Star Trek – The All Star Edition – Part 4

So far our all star crew consists of Chief Miles O’Brien, Dr. Beverly Crusher, and Mr. Spock. It’s now time to anoint a captain for this new starship, the USS Denny Crane.

But before I get to that, let me say that I am excited just like everybody else about the new Star Trek movie that will come out May 8. I’m encouraged that the reviews have been positive so far and I will review it myself. I am a huge Trekker, but not of the fanboy type. See I actually have a life outside of worrying about whether a movie is going to be true to the spirit of Roddenberry’s vision or not. If they change a few minor details from established canon, so what? Comic books do that all the time. So if you are in your 30s or even older and still live in your parent’s basement and the most exciting thing that ever happens to you is looking forward to the next Trek convention where you might just get Grace Lee Whitney’s autograph, my advice is get a life, a real one. See it doesn’t matter if Kirk or Picard is better. Go somewhere and meet some girls. Get married. Have a few kids. You’ll see just how much Star Trek or whatever nerdy sci-fi fixation you have is actually worth in the world. Yes you will actually be willing to miss a rerun of the Trouble with Tribbles to go to your kid’s soccer game. And you won’t mind so much that you forgot to TiVo it.

Now for our candidates, once again listed in order of appearance.

Let me say that this one is close. All five captains are quite capable and all five captains got their crews out of some sticky situations. But someone has to be the worst and someone has to be the best. And again if you are a fanboy and I don’t pick your guy (or chick), it’s not a personal attack against your sense of self-worth. Got it?

Okay let go. Bringing up the rear is Captain Kathryn Janeway. There are a few reasons. I say if you are stuck out in the delta quadrant where it is going to take a lifetime at maximum warp to get back home, then there are a few things that you can afford to not worry about so much. One of them is the Prime Directive.  Another is strictly adhering to all Starfleet protocols. If you are that far from home, that’s only going to keep you from making good time.

Janeway does two stupid things in the pilot episode (STV: Caretaker). One is she puts the lives of some short lived worthless race called the Ocampa ahead of her crew getting back home. If she was so all fired worried about them, she should have given them the technology to defeat the Kazon on their own. Secondly she took a huge risk taking in Chakotay and his band of Maquis terrorists and making them members of her crew. A Klingon captain would have had them summarily executed.

Actually there is a third stupid thing she did. It was allowing the insufferable Neelix to become a member of her crew. But that’s a whole different topic.

But then Janeway did have one of the most courageous moments in any Star Trek episode ever shown when she faced down the Borg Queen. (STV: Dark Frontier). No Star Fleet officer was ever as skilled as manipulating the Borg as Janeway. I hate to put her dead last for that reason, but then when I think back to her ridiculous fantasy of being an English governess, I know that she is where she belongs. Last place. And it irks me to no end that in Star Trek: Nemesis she has been promoted to admiral as is shown giving Picard orders.

In 4th place is Captain Jonathan Archer. It’s hard for me to put him there because he proved his worth in the Xindi arc during season three. His easy-going command style seemed just perfect for the Enterprise NX-01. Archer made first contact with over a dozen species, including the Klingons (ENT: Broken Bow), Andorians (ENT: The Andorian Incident), and the already mentioned Xindi.

His easy-going command style seemed just perfect for the Enterprise NX-01. But when it took a strong stomach and guts to do what needed to be done, Archer could do that too. He once conducted an interrogation by putting a detainee in an airlock and beginning the decompression cycle. (ENT: Anomaly) Jack Bauer or the authorities at Gitmo could not have been any more effective.

We learn that eventually Archer was instrumental in the formation of the United Federation of Planets and became its first president. A remarkable individual and one of the greatest humans, it’s a shame I have to rank him 4th. May Kah’less forgive me.

My selection for third place is the one that will infuriate some of you who are reading this. It is Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Now before you go getting your panties in a wad from your excess emotional attachment to the character, let me lay forth my argument. And remember what I said earlier that it doesn’t matter if one fictional character is better than another, okay?

Kirk was a two fisted, love ’em and leave ’em sort of guy. He was remarkably intelligent but seemed to go with his gut feeling more than rely on a cold hard analytical look at the facts. Of course he didn’t need to. He had Mr. Spock for that. And his instincts always seem to serve him well. You can learn strategy, but instinct is something you have to be born with.

In just three seasons there were at least 8 prominent romances that Captain Kirk involved himself in. It’s a wonder he had time to run the ship.

Heck the only one in the history of Star Trek that might have seen more sack time was Commander Riker and he had four more seasons to do it in.

And then there is the high mortality rate serving under Kirk’s command. In the 79 episodes produced here are the death toll figures.

  • Yellow-shirt crewperson deaths: 6
  • Blue-Shirt crewperson deaths: 5 
  • Engineering smock crewperson deaths: 4
  • Red-Shirt crewperson deaths: 43
  • Get the idea that wearing the red shirt wasn’t the best job to have?

    Still Kirk deserves better than 4th or 5th because after all he is Kirk and he was played by William Shatner. And Kirk was the only one to ever  solve the unsolvable Kobayashi Maru test. He did it the same way he lived his life. He cheated when he had to in order to come out on top. He flirted with danger constantly by always leading the landing party. It’s no wonder Star Fleet changed the rules after Kirk so that a ship’s captain would remain onboard the vessel and the away team would be commanded by someone else.

    Captain Jean Luc Picard comes in second. Again I can hear screams of protest. If Kirk isn’t first, why is Picard not first? Well because it’s my blog. Write your own and rank them as you will, if my rankings don’t go to suit you. Truthfully if I this was a horserace, every one of the five with be within a link of one another. But back to Picard.

    Not as young and impetuous as Kirk, Picard was seasoned by spending twenty two years in command of the USS Stargazer before the Stargazer was destroyed in the Battle of Maxia, but not before he could come up with what became the Picard Maneuver. He had also been a participant in the First Cardassian War gaining experience and proving his ability.

    Picard took command of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701D in 2364, nine years after losing the Stargazer. With wisdom and experience under his belt, he selected most of his senior officers, including William T. Riker and Geordi LaForge.

    But as skilled as Picard was at military maneuvers, it was his consummate diplomatic skills that made him stand out. He was selected as Arbiter of Succession to select the next Chancellor of the Klingon High Council between the treacherous Duras, and the somewhat less but still treacherous Gowron. (ST TNG: Reunion)

    Picard made first contact with 27 alien species including the Ferengi and the Borg. My personal feeling are that The Federation would have better off just leaving the greedy little Ferengi trolls out somewhere else. The Borg now is a different matter. Worthy are they as villians.

    I can think of only two things that Picard did that are objectionable to me. First he was captured by the Borg Collective and renamed as Loctucus of Borg. Now that was a great plot point, but it caused some weakness and psychological issues in him as would be revealed in the very next episode (STTNG: Family) after he was rescued and De-Borged.

    The second is just a personal quirk of mine. Once, with the aid of the Klingons, he had a couple of Romulan warbirds outgunned. (STTNG: The Defector) He allowed them to retreat. I’m sorry but I would have turned Worf loose and let him throw everything they had at their disposal. Romulans have no honor, so they should have been taken out.

    So that leaves only one. Yep I am giving the all star Captain slot to Commander, (later Captain) Benjamin Lafayette Sisko. Why? Because in seven years of command he doesn’t make one wrong move. He had to navigate the politics of the Bajorans and on top of that he became the Emmisary of the Bajoran Prophets, a role which he initally rejected, but later came to embrace. It also caused him to be revered and respected among the people of Bajor, maybe with the exception of the treacherous and deceitful Kai Winn. He outsmarted the Cardassians at every turn, and he was a pivotal figure at the time of the Federation’s greatest crisis: the Dominion War.

    But on top of that, Sisko did something no other captain ever managed to do. He had a family. Of course if you know his story, you know that he lost his beloved wife Jennifer at Wolf 359 when the Borg destroyed the USS Saratoga, leaving him widowed to raise his son Jake alone. While Sisko was always a tower of strength, he never failed to shown the proper affection for his son, nuturing him and guiding him.

    Greatness must also rub against greatness. As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another. Just as Muhammed Ali needed Joe Frazier to cement his greatness, so did Sisko need the greatest Star Trek villian ever. Greater than the Borg, greater than Khan, greater than the Klingons or the Romulans, the evil Gul Dukat was always looming nearby to oppose Sisko. They could even call a truce from time to time, but you always knew that Dukat was the most evil being in the universe. And he got what he had coming to him. Along with Kai Winn, he met a fate worse than death as he was imprsioned in eternal torment along with the Pah-wraiths.

    But what really sealed the deal for Sisko  is he used the power of his role as Emmisary to the Prophets to cause those same prophets (who were actually non-corporeal aliens) living in the wormhole to destroy a Jem Hadar fleet that was readying an attack on the Alpha Quadrant. Now that’s POWER. No other starship captain ever wielded that mighty of a sword.

    In the end Sisko became one of the prophets. In the climatic battle gainst Gul Dukat, Sisko was taken into the Celestial Temple (wormhole) to continue his work.

    So there you have it. My All Star Crew:

    • Benjamin Sisko
    • Commander Spock
    • Dr. Beverly Crusher
    • Chief Miles O’Brien

    Coming soon will be a post concerning the new movie, fan made productions, and which other characters I would place on the USS Denny Crane and which ones I would put out of an airlock.

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    10 Responses to “Star Trek – The All Star Edition – Part 4”

    1. All I am going to say is the “D” word has come to mind when I see that THE Jonathan Archer is 4th on the list…..4th?! And after we talked about this at length. Oh my. What am I going to do with you? I guess ban you to the sofa! 🙂

    2. debeyepps Says:

      First off…you are dead on when it comes to the red-shirt guys dying. Every time we watch Star Trek, we can’t wait to see the unknown Mr. Red Shirt because we know he’s gonna die…quickly usually.

      Second…NO! I could live with James T. Kirk being second. I mean, he did spend most of his time 1) breaking up arguments between Bones and Mr. Spoke, 2) pursuing chicks, 3) bedding those chicks he caught, and 4) killing off unknown crew people. But it’s William Shatner!!!! Enough said. I’ll just have to stick with Denny Crane being number 1.

      Third…NO! Jean-Luc Picard should be number 1 in my book. He was the most intelligent of the lot, probably the kindest of the lot, most importantly he was cultured as well. What other captain spent time listening to classical music and reading good books. And back to the kindness, he was very, very kind to poor Data who wanted nothing more but to be human. There was also the fact that his crew liked and respected him enough that the females would actually wear those horrid, skin-tight uniforms (Deanna Troy).

      • theworldofmojo Says:

        Great feedback Debbie. I agree that no one was as cultured as Picard. And I loved those skin tight outfits that Deanna Troi wore. w00t!!!! But when the rubber meets the road, Picard was not the Emmissary to the Prophets and he had this annoying habit of putting up with Q. The only time Q ever visited DS9, Sisko slugged him. Q protested by saying that Picard never hit him. Sisk: “I’m not Picard.” Q never came back to DS9.

    3. I’m going to have to come back to this later and finish reading it. I have to go get my panties all out of a wad because I saw Kirk in 3rd place. 😦

      • theworldofmojo Says:

        I call it the way I see it. But I have to be honest. Star Trek: Deep Space 9 is my favorite series.

    4. LOL well this is YOUR blog, after all! 🙂

      One of these days I’ll do a tribute to Kirk on my blog and then I’ll be all happy about it. LOL

    5. […] star trek – the all star edition – part 4 […]

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