The Whole Auburn vs. Alabama thing

It’s that time again. In a few short weeks, college football will kick off and the pent up anticipation will be unleashed full fury in Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, in Jordan-Hare Stadium in Auburn, and in front of television sets all over the state. If you don’t live in the state of Alabama you can’t possibly imagine just how much hoopla, hype, and hubris go along with the playing of a college football game.

 I’m a native of North Carolina and lived there the first 40 years of my life. The only thing that compares to the Auburn vs. Alabama rivalry that I know of is the UNC vs. Duke rivalry in college basketball. It comes close, but even it falls short of the unbridled passion felt for college football in the Heart of Dixie.

 If you move here, as I did, you are expected to choose a side. It is just a part of life here and if you choose to try to ignore it, you’ll end up being miserable and be branded a party pooper. (If you move here and were already a fan of another SEC major team such as Georgia, Tennessee, or Florida that does seem to be tolerated.)

 When I moved here ten years ago, Alabama was struggling with Mike DuBose as a coach and fell far short of the mighty expectations placed upon them by the Crimson Nation. DuBose was fired, and Dennis Franchione hired. He stayed there for two years before bolting to Texas A & M. Next they hired Mike Price, but an unsavory inclination for questionable behavior saw him sent packing before he ever coached a game. Mike Shula was up next and proved to be in over his head. Finally they righted the ship by canning Shula and hiring the controversial Nick Saban, a proven winner.

During much of this time, Auburn under the leadership of Tommy Tuberville, owned their in-state rivals, winning six straight Iron Bowls much to the horror of the Crimson Tide nation and to the delight of the Auburn nation. Understand if you don’t already know this, Alabama is the more storied of the two programs. Auburn has traditionally been a good program, but largely existed in the shadow of their chief instate rival.

 Alabama claims to have won 13 national championships, the latest being this past football season. Auburn people scoff at this. At least five of the national championships are the creation of a former Alabama sports information department. Auburn claims one championship from 1957, and several perfect seasons, the last time in 2004 when they were denied the chance to play for the National Championship due to having played a division 1AA opponent in that year.

 Much of Alabama’s historical success comes from having been coached for decades for legendary coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. On the other hand Auburn generally points to their two Heisman Trophy winners, Pat Sullivan and Vincent Edward “Bo” Jackson.

 The rivalry is a lot of fun among reasonable people. I will have to say that the majority of the fans are reasonable. But just as in anything else there are some idiots on both sides that want to take it to the extreme and ruin it for everyone.

 Right now much of the bluster and over the top trash talking comes from the Alabama (or bammer) side of the fence. This is my comment for you:

 Quit believing your team is invincible and will never lose another game for all of eternity. Remember the Bryant years were good to you, but you didn’t win every game then and you will lose some in this era too.

 Quit placing Nick Saban on the same level as God. He’s just a man. I’ll admit that he is a good football coach, maybe one of the two or three best in the business today, but he is nothing more than a man doing a job. Even I admit to a lot of closet admiration for him, but let’s keep things in perspective.

 Get over the Bear Bryant worship. Yes Coach Bryant is a legend, but he passed away nearly 30 years ago and you guys have been in the wilderness most of that time except for a great season under Coach Stallings and of course the last two years.

 Lose the smug superiority thing. You act like it is your birthright to be a winner. That is not the case. When your team wins, I can assure you that wins comes from a lot of sweat and hard work during the week and summer two a days. It is not a case of manifest destiny or divine right. And quit believing things like Auburn needs to know their place. I nearly hit someone once who got on that subject.

 Don’t scream that rammer jammer cheer at my kids. As adults it is cool, but have enough respect for yourself that you don’t yell it at my kids or someone else’s kids. For that matter while I am on the subject my family got yelled at in Gatlinburg of all places by a couple of drunken bammers hollering “we just beat the hell out of you.” Yes you won that game, but you didn’t exactly beat the hell out of us. I guess you guys thought you were some big something scaring two small children and teaching them how not to be good sports.

Quit acting like it will kill you to say anything nice about the Auburn Tigers. When you refuse steadfastly it makes you look arrogant. No one likes arrogance.

And lastly, if your team wins, have enough sense not to wear a team shirt to church the next morning. Sunday night or Wednesday night is different because the services are far less formal, but when you wear a team shirt to Sunday morning worship it just makes you look like an idiot. And if you must do some trash talking, keep it to a bare minimum. Remember church is to worship the risen Savior, not Nick Saban.

 If I am offering criticism of the Bammers, it is only fair to offer some to the Aubs.

 Be realistic. We are not going to go undefeated this year. Remember we are in the second year of a rebuilding. We all liked what we saw last year, but we will lose some games and we will likely lose our third straight Iron Bowl. If we finish 9-4 this year that would realistically be a good year for us. 

Have some intelligence about Gene Chizik. Remember a good number of you rolled your eyes when he was hired. Because we stated off the year 5-0 and unexpectedly went 8-5 last year you are ready to anoint him as the next Pat Dye. I’m hoping that he is just the ticket for the Auburn program, but he doesn’t have a long enough tenure as head coach to properly evaluate. 

Realize that success on the football field is predicated on more than just beating Alabama. If we beat them but lose every other game, we are just a pathetic 1-10 team that played one good game. Our goal should be to win the National Championship. Of course we have to beat Alabama to do it, but we also have to beat Arkansas, Mississippi State, LSU, Ole Miss, and Georgia every year. 

Give Saban some credit. It just sounds like sour grapes when you mouth off about all of his supposed character flaws. He runs a great program and you know it. Acknowledge that and quit whining. It is unbecoming to act jealous and that is exactly what some of you do. 

This can be a fun season. Everyone is undefeated right now and full of hope. Let’s show maturity and sportsmanship toward each other. When we win it’s okay to feel good, but if we lose let’s do the sporting thing and congratulate the other side. Let’s keep this from getting ugly.

Finally, I’m guilty of some of these criticisms. I’m going to try and take my own advice this year.

 

The Barber Shop

Lattimore, North  Carolina is a small town. Smaller than most with no stoplight and only a single stop sign at a single intersection. As you traveled on the Lattimore/New House road you passed by Lattimore Elementary School where I attended school from the first grade until the sixth grade. It was on the right. Beside the school, at the intersection was a house where an old bootlegger woman lived. Lattimore was in a dry county you see.

As you reached the intersection there was a filling station on the left and if you took a left turn just a little ways down the road was the pride and joy of the city of Lattimore. The Number 7 township volunteer fire department. It may have been (and still is) one of the finest volunteer fire departments in the whole state (or at least the county).

If you took a right you passed by Bell’s Antiques and Horne’s Supermarket. If you kept going you passed by the Lattimore Woman’s Club building and then the road took a sharp curve before you come to set of railroad tracks.

In that curve was an old two-story brick building that held both the  Martin Milling Company store and the Lattimore Barber Shop.

The barber shop was for the most part a one man operation run by a country barber named Don. He was a barrel chested man with sideburns, a ruddy complexion, and dark wavy hair that he combed back and cemented into place with a generous helping of Brylcreem. He always wore a white barber’s smock .

Before you get the idea that I’m borrowing a page from the Andy Griffith Show, let me reassure you I’m not. This was no Floyd’s Barber Shop where two or three regulars were sitting around reading the paper and drinking orange soda. For one thing, in those days the majority of the men were smokers and there was always a haze in the air as a result of someone puffing on a cigarette. Nowadays we know better than that and no one would dream of going to a barber shop where a bunch of men sat around and smoked.

The barber shop was a clearing house for news. Mostly the kind you could not read in the paper or see on the evening news. Mostly the “real story.” While the paper was reporting that a local county commisioner was stepping down to spend more time with his family, at the barber shop you could find out the truth, that he got caught with the chairman of the board of deacon’s wife from the local Baptist congregation and his wife made him quit the county commission or she would take him for everything he was worth in the divorce settlement. This was verified and certified to be true by someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew the wife.

There could be spirited debate at any given time. Nothing would stir the passion of the men sitting around waiting for a haircut more than the impending election of the high sheriff. The sheriff was always referred to by simply his first name. Sheriff Haywood Allen was the high sheriff when I was growing up, but everyone just referred to him as “Haywood.” No need  to say more. Everyone knew who “Haywood” was. The next county over had a legendary lawman, Sheriff Damon Huskey. Naturally he was known as simply “Damon.” A movie was once made about Damon entitled “Rutherford County Line.” It would be hard to say whether Haywood or Damon was the more frequent topic of conversation.

Talk could get a little bawdy at times, and I suspected that when young impressionable ears were not around that the talk could get downright filthy. I distinctly remember the subject of “Dolly” coming up more than once and the dopey grins the men had on their face as they shot each other knowing glances. Occasionally an argument would break out as to whether she should have left Porter Waggoner. I think history settled that one.

There were frequent times of levity there too. Once Barber Don hired another barber named Norman. He was something of a joker and he liked to repeat things he had heard on episodes of Hee Haw, especially if Archie Campbell had told it. More than once I got to hear the “Pie Are Square, Cornbread are Round” joke. He loved to tell the Archie Campbell rendition of “The Pee Little Thrigs.” Norman thought he was funny. To tell you the truth I never really thought Archie Campbell was that funny. Norman even less so, but I usually laughed anyway.

Of course Lattimore being a small town meant that the values didn’t change as time marched on, at least for the established townspeople. Long hair for men started in the early sixties with the Beatles. It took eight to ten years for the young boys in Lattimore to adopt that hairstyle, but adopt it they did. Naturally this was considered a threat to Barber Don. He made his living cutting hair, not watching it grow. He would rail on and on about how “if God had intended ol’ so and so to have a daughter, then they’d have been born a girl.” And “Ain’t no youngun’ a mine ever gonna wear that hippie hair as long as I’m breathing.” And, “Any boy who would wear his hair long like a girl, must be one of them queers you keep hearing about.” And “I tell you what would straighten him out. Take ’em out back and just beat the tar out of ’em until they get that crap cut off.”

Barber Don would proudly proclaim that he only knew how to give one kind of haircut, a short men’s haircut. Actually since he did a lot of flat tops that would make two styles of haircuts total.

As I got older I quit going to Barber Don and started going to Bernie’s Barber Shop in Shelby. Bernie actually had hair touching his ears so he was a man who had come to grips with societal and fashion changes. Bernie’s seemed to be a little more family friendly. A woman would never have set foot into Barber Don’s shop, but at Barber Bernies, it was common for mothers to bring their young sons for a trim.

Barber Don kept his shop open for many years. I think he only retired in the last few years. I have no idea if his shop changed from when I was a boy. I suspect it had.  Some change is inevitable. I don’t want to leave you with a bad impression of him. He was a good man and very much in step with the times and the values those times represented. He was the type of man who folks would say “I think a right smart of him!”

There are very few old-time country barber shops left where you can go and get not just a haircut, but a close shave too. Nowadays you have to go to fancy places like Sportsclips. You do get to watch ballgames on big screen TVs while you get a haircut, but the whole thing just feels like something a marketing executive cooked up. The girls that cut hair are just employees and just as likely as not to still be working there from one haircut to the next, They aren’t owners and they don’t get a chance to run a business with a personality all its own. It’s sort of like going to Applebees. No different from one town to the next. All of commerce has become  corporate and profit driven. The Mom and Pop stores are all pretty much out of business and Barber Don has retired his scissors. That’s too bad.